im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
