I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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