Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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