Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
