last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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