Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Text me some of your sweat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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