Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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