i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
