U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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