Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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