but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
