I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
