just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
