Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
