apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
