I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
