Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
