im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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