i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
