Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
