Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
