mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
