you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
that is very illegal...i love you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
