Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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