just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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