How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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