saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
