What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
