my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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