Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
