Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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