I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
