I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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