there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
