i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize