i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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