We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
