I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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