True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize