she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
