and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
