Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
