And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
