After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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