So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
