hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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