woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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