My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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