You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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