Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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