i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
