It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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