At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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