I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
