Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
