My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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