a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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