I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
