also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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