Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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