he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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