You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
