Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
