My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
