booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He better not be in your backpack
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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