apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
