Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
