3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
