dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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