just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
