Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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