I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
